Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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