You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
