I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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