am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
