So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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