Don't make out with my wife yet
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
