At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
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Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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