I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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