I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
