I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
