GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
