Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Randomize
