I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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