Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
