I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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