I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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