Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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