Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.