oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
