last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.