dude i'm inner monologue high
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart