How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
