have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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