I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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