It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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