My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So many bounce houses so little time
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
