I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
