Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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