yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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