question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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