This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
