he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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