The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
