i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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