u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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