Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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