So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
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Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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