I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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