Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
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I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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