Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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