recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So here I am, sexting at work.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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