Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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