I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
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I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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