Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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