Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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