i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
