I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
