I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
