Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
