so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize