Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
