Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You were trust falling into bushes
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
