You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
