someone owes me an orgasm
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
