Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
