Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
