I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
