i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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