Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My boob is missing a layer of skin
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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