There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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