Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
