The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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