this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
