woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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