I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
